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Thommo82

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tabuktime

coolpersontest2.gif

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Thommo82

I’m gonna throw my own joke in here....

Little Johnny asks his Dad, “What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?”

Dad replies, “Come with me buddy, I’ll show you”

Dad takes little Johnny into the bedroom where his mother is asleep in bed.

He pulls up the covers to reveal Little Johnny’s mother’s naked body and points between her legs.

”That there son, is a pussy”

Little Johnny takes a good look, scratches his head and says to his father, “Dad, can I touch it?”

 “Oh no, son, don’t touch the pussy, you will wake the cunt up”

 

13 minutes ago, tabuktime said:

Think I may have misunderstood the concept...

Here is a crappy antipodean joke:

 A Kiwi walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

My missus is a kiwi.....

Pretty sure they all fuck sheep 

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RussP
2 hours ago, Thommo82 said:

 

The Ayes have it

Motion passed 

Is it Pick On Thommo82 day again ?

I'm always too late for all the good threads................................

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Thommo82
18 minutes ago, tabuktime said:

coolpersontest2.gif

Did I see this say three different things!?!?

1 minute ago, RussP said:

Is it Pick On Thommo82 day again ?

I'm always too late for all the good threads................................

You’re just in time buddy, now tell us a joke!

Im good to pick on, I have RWG’s thickest skin 

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tabuktime
16 minutes ago, Thommo82 said:

My missus is a kiwi.....

Pretty sure they all fuck sheep 

When you married her, did you do so just to prove your theory?

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RussP
2 minutes ago, tabuktime said:

When you married her, did you do so just to prove your theory?

Now............that's FUNNY :beer2:

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Thommo82
3 minutes ago, tabuktime said:

When you married her, did you do so just to prove your theory?

I’m not married, fuck that shit. Marriage causes problems 

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tabuktime
8 minutes ago, Thommo82 said:

I’m retarded. :bitch:

10 minutes ago, Thommo82 said:

I’m not married, fuck that shit. Marriage causes problems 

She's obviously not a real Kiwi, she's smart enough to not marry you!

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Howitzer23

Impressive work mate, congratulations? I think. Although we all know the big milestone is when you get up to 2000 'Gate specials....

Here is my effort:

Bloke approaches a gorgeous woman at a bar, buys her a drink and they get chatting. 

"So what's your name darling?" he says.

"Actually I changed it recently to Carmen"

"That's a beautiful name, why did you choose that?"

"Because I like cars and men"

"That's awesome."

"So what's your name then?"

"Beercunt." 

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Thommo82
10 minutes ago, tabuktime said:

She's obviously not a real Kiwi, she's smart enough to not marry you!

They are a rather docile breed 

3 minutes ago, Howitzer23 said:

Impressive work mate, congratulations? I think. Although we all know the big milestone is when you get up to 2000 'Gate specials....

Here is my effort:

Bloke approaches a gorgeous woman at a bar, buys her a drink and they get chatting. 

"So what's your name darling?" he says.

"Actually I changed it recently to Carmen"

"That's a beautiful name, why did you choose that?"

"Because I like cars and men"

"That's awesome."

"So what's your name then?"

"Beercunt." 

Sounds awfully like something I would say 

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Howitzer23

Oh, and thanks for the generous offer 

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KarmaToBurn

Congrats on the 2k posts. I'm almost there too but it took me 4 years longer than you  :p 

 

Gonna skip on the giveaway but great gesture mate!

 

 

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tabuktime
1 hour ago, Howitzer23 said:

Impressive work mate, congratulations? I think. Although we all know the big milestone is when you get up to 2000 'Gate specials....

Here is my effort:

Bloke approaches a gorgeous woman at a bar, buys her a drink and they get chatting. 

"So what's your name darling?" he says.

"Actually I changed it recently to Carmen"

"That's a beautiful name, why did you choose that?"

"Because I like cars and men"

"That's awesome."

"So what's your name then?"

"Beercunt." 

Reminds me of something my wife said to me not so long ago:

Wife: Hey honey, you know I used to be a Christian?

Me: That's OK, I'm not much for organised religion anyway...

Wife: I'm much more comfortable being a Christine now.

Me: WTF!

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Thommo82
42 minutes ago, KarmaToBurn said:

Congrats on the 2k posts. I'm almost there too but it took me 4 years longer than you  :p 

 

Gonna skip on the giveaway but great gesture mate!

 

 

What can I say? 

I talk a lot of shit

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jibuti

VC..? will pass giveaway probably..... do not cunt me in, please.....

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Nikosaldente

Here we go:

Husband: Grab your coat honey, I'm going out for a Beer!

Wife: Really? Are you going to take me with you?

Husband: Of course not...

Wife: So, what do I need my coat for?

Husband: I turned off the heat.....!

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Glaude

Since I already have this great Gate VC, I'll pass but will still try to translate a french joke in English :

An elderly couple goes to vacation in Africa.
On the verge to return home the old man says :
- Honey, I think we should get two nice presents for our daughters, something original
- Oh yes ! I even have an idea, we can bring home a bat, now  that's original !
- A bat ? How do you think we will pass this in the plane and at the airport ?
- Well, just put it under your shirt and pretend to have a batman shirt.
- OK... Oh I also have an original idea, we can bring back a skunk !
- But are you crazy, how do you want to pass this at the airport ?
- Easy, just put it in your pants and here we go !
- But that stinks !
- Well, if he dies, he dies... !

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Thommo82
8 hours ago, jibuti said:

VC..? will pass giveaway probably..... do not cunt me in, please.....

Ok Bruce 

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jking92

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? 

A wet nose.... :animal:

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RussP
6 minutes ago, jking92 said:

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? 

A wet nose.... :animal:

:beer2:

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Thommo82

Few good ones coming in, none that have made me wet my pants yet, but not bad. 

I’ll let this run for another week anyway 

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RussP

Maybe this one will get your pants soggy :

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.


Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'

Customer says , 'Female.'

Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?

Customer says , 'White.'

 

Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

 

Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'

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RussP
18 hours ago, brang1 said:

How can you tell if your wife is dead? 

Sex stays the same but the dishes start piling up

Never re-marry !

Problem fixed :animal:

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brang1
16 minutes ago, RussP said:

Never re-marry !

Problem fixed :animal:

Re-marry????      just don't GET married 

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Thommo82
28 minutes ago, RussP said:

Maybe this one will get your pants soggy :

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.


Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'

Customer says , 'Female.'

Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?

Customer says , 'White.'

 

Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

 

Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'

Does the Muslim shave though? 

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