Lange 1 The Bastard Child

[black263 228]

Last year, I won a Lange 1 in one of our competitions.  For those who wish to read the story, have a look at 

 

 

The Challenge was to wear it to the GTG in Halifax, to suffer the scorn and derision from the other guys.  

Amazingly, the general consensus was that it was a nice watch.  A bit blingy, but apart from that nothing wrong with it.  So I decided to post a review, with some comparison pictures with the gen.(clearly I don't own the gen, so I used google to do the research. ) Turns out my watch is a bastardised hybrid fantasy created by a dyslexic Chinaman who should have gone to Specsavers.  The sort of thing you get when the Tall, Dark Handsome Prince, marries the Slim Beautiful Blonde Princess, and the child turns out Ginger.  So what have we got here.  

First, let's look at the dial.  

It's pretty enough, and is designed to copy the Lange 1 Perpetual Calendar Tourbillon.   Not only that, but the special edition with the hand-engraved white gold dial. (For those who are anal about it, it's technically the HANDWERKSKUNST.  In my pigeon German translates as Hand-Job Cunt, which is what a lady in Berlin told me when I asked what could I get for 50Euros.)  But I digress.  The Gen is white gold, with a white gold case, so our Chinaman is clearly colour-blind as well, as the "replica" has a rose gold case. Enough waffle.  The gen is a true masterpiece.

But wait - the copy is a fucking mirror image.

Keep reading guys, there's more.

The Gen is a Tourbillon, with a truly magnificent automatic movement.

You could drool over that all day, but our craftsman clearly decided that was in the too difficult pile, so went to his boss and asked for advice.  "Don't fucking care - movement must look like Lange 1"  Which gave our craftsman a dilemma.  Being a smart Chinaman he decided that since the boss didn't specify which Lange 1 movement he had to copy, as long as he copied something from Lange he could get away with it.  Now it just so happens that there exists a Lange 1 Moonphase, and the dial layout matches the mirror image of the Tourbillon.

"Bruddy Brillia"   he thought in a Chinese accent.  "If I drop in a fine copy of the moonphase movement, the dials will match up and I can get away with it"  Now the movement of the moonphase is a hand-wind, with a plate that covers about 90% of the works.

"Even better", he thought, "I can drop in any crappy old movement and as long as the decorative plate is identical, I can market it as 1:1".  So he did just that.

I did say he should have gone to Specsavers.  The cut-out of the Gen is at  4 o'clock, and the cut-out of the rep is at 12, but that doesn't matter cos you can always turn it upside down.  Sadly, when you do, the auto wind rotor drops into view.  Yup, he used an auto, to replicate a hand-wind movement.

Now the perceptive among you may have noticed that there is writing on the back, and this is where his dyslexia kicked in.  Not only did he misspell most of the writing, ,including the name of the manufacturer,...

 

But he even changed the number of jewels from 54 to 32, but then wrote it as dreiunddreissig, which is German for 33.  You couldn't make this up.

I particularly like the way that "IN FUNF LAGEN REGULIERT" has been changed to  "IN EUEN LAGBN REGULERT"  

 

And the final tell.  The gen is made in Germany, but the boss clearly sold his watches to discerning clientele, who knew that the best watches came from Switzerland.  So our heroic craftsman changed the country of manufacture, and marked it Made In Switzerland.

So there you have my Bastard Child.  And just like any good father, I will care for it and nurture it with love and affection.

 

 

 

 

[bkg! 0]

Absolutely hilarious write up of this fucker. It’s looked great for what it is. Until you analyse things. You put into words what only expressions could say last night


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[MetalMickey 179]

I love it even more now

[tabuktime 54]

Oh dear God, my eyes!  At least the tears of laughter have helped a little.

[GingerApple 7,272]

Lol, excellent 'review'.

Apart from the bit where you take the piss out of gingers. You fucker.

[NCRich 13,744]

Love, love, love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Thommo82 1,397]

Who are the geeks with the watchboxes though?

[black263 228]

42 minutes ago, Thommo82 said:

Who are the geeks with the watchboxes though?

The two larger boxes are mine.  Not sure about the other one.  The "Geeks" as you call them comprise a fine upstanding member of both us and RWI, his mate who came along for the shit'n'giggles, and a plumber. 

[MetalMickey 179]

4 minutes ago, black263 said:

...and a plumber. 

 

[bkg! 0]

and a plumber. 

Just because he offered to ‘show you his pipes’, you shouldn’t automatically assume they’re a plumber..... especially when you are holding a large rubber goat


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[black263 228]

And I should add that Greg lied like a cheap Changi watch.  Deployant my arse.  It's a normal buckle with Lange engraving.

[Jibuti 958]

now I know where chocolates are made-in Switee-rland!

[black263 228]

There is no R in Switee land.  There is no R in Elbow.  You can't tell your Rs from your elbow.

[Jibuti 958]

[Glaude 1,615]

I like it more with all this nonsense in it ! 

Around a 100 $ on the gate for those interested in this piece !

[FunnyStarSystem 7,537]

I think it's lovely, not ginger at all! Sometimes the weird hybrids that emerge from the dark corners of Guangzhou hold their own in the charm department.

Bravo black 

[boozakuza 0]

Fat racist white boy!

[BadApple 13,081]

34 minutes ago, boozakuza said:

Fat racist white boy!

Good first (and hopefully last) post.

[Chiquita Fanjita 1,776]

 

[narikaa 129]

[fatarms 7,756]

1 hour ago, boozakuza said:

Fat racist white boy!

This guy has had almost an entire year to think about this response.  Therefore, I am inclined to think he has come to the correct conclusion.  I support this guy, and would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

[fatarms 7,756]

In fact, I support this guy so fervently, that I would like to take this opportunity to sell him my genuine Patek Philippe Nautilus for $547 Australian dollars.  I live in the USA, and realize that Australian dollars are worth less than American dollars, but by selling in Australian dollars, I wish to avoid customs issues.  Please contact me for payment info, and address me as "Sir Avocado Nuts."  This is a beloved title bestowed upon me by my late  grandmother, who happened to walk in on me on New Years Eve while I was urinating.  I continue to use the title in all of my personal emails as well as requesting all family members refer to me as such.  My mother hasn't taken to it yet, but I think she's coming around.  One day, my beloved mother will refer to me as "Sir Avocado Nuts."  If she knows what's good for her...

[Anotherreigncheck 0]

Lmao nice

[Horace Derwent 795]

Ah ah, a really funny but very interesting read !

 

Personally i'm still waiting for a really hi end A L S rep....the Saxonia rep are good but not great unfortunately...