McGilli's Rolex Seadweller Review

[McGilli 1]

THE SEADWELLER © 2018

 

Written, Produced, Edited & Directed By McGilli

I just wrote a new rap song about this latest watch purchasing adventure. Here are the lyrics:

So I ordered these bitches, I want ‘em real fly

I called up their pimp, and I know this guy, is Chi-

Nese y’all, on the far side of the world

But he knows what I like and he sent me these girls

So I stroke ‘em, pet ‘em, and make them call me daddy

And I also ordered some watches.

That’s some good shit right? Yeah, you know it is. When you a playa like me, you gotta play the game hard and wear your watches harder. So, I wasn’t surprised when, just like a gang transaction gone wrong (When do they go right?), my latest watch orders turned into a shit show. I mean, if the curtain is pulled back , and on the stage there is literally shit - talking to each other - putting on a shaw - are you going to put up with that? I didn’t think so. I had to though. I paid my hard earned pippin’ cash and I needed to see it through. To the end. All of it. Word.

THIS REVIEW GOT SCREWED BEFORE IT GOT STARTED

One of RWG’s most esteemed and luxurious Canadian members (Who isn’t from Quebec) posted a link in a public thread some time ago. A public thread where children could have seen it! Disgusting! It was immediately pointed out to her (I’ve changed his sexual orientation to protect his identity) that this was inappropriate and she should remove it. So of course I grabbed that link and ran with it. Far, far away - well, just to the bathroom cuz I really had to piss.

When I was back at my desk and settled I opened that link, saw the watch in question - and it was as glorious as finding out that birthday money you received from your distant uncle is in fact, not counterfeit - even though I am looking at a fake watch I guess that analogy is a poor choice. A Rolex Deepsea Sea-Dweller. (DSSD). Like a Submariner, but bigger! Like a Seadweller but bigger! It just doesn’t stop! More manly too, like an Italian - just without the hairy chest. I’m in love. However, instead of the blue dial I wanted the black dial - as we know that’s how I roll. Big and black. What could not be to love about this watch? So I placed my order and I waited. I waited like a dog with a treat on his nose waiting for the master to say “Now!”. That would be the mailman. He is my master when I’m waiting on watches to arrive.

One day soon after the rain was ripping up the sky, and the trees outside were bending over in the wind like a Mexican hooker too tired to get on her knees, and a knock on my door woke me: the watch arrived! I grabbed it out of the mailman’s hands and ripped open the package like baby trying to get the toy out of the box - so it can play with the box and ignore that expensive present you bought it. I spent 45 minutes of hell in Toys R Us to get that! Suddenly, like a child sneaking into the pantry before dinner looking for a lolly - sadness rest into my heart. Slowly but surely. Instead of a black dial Deepsea Sea-Dweller I received a regular Sea-Dweller (SD). I leaned on the mailman’s shoulder and cried. He smelled like Australian sweat. And that is sexy. Mmmmmm sometime it’s hard. Being me.

I contacted the seller on DHGate immediately and told him what happened. I had a response soon after saying sorry, it must be a mistake as he doesn’t actually ship the watches out; He takes the orders, passes them on and ‘The Factory’ sends out the watches to the recipients. Ok, but…? How do I fill this void in my heart? This void like a Black Hole sucking everything into it, never to return to the land of happiness. Kind of like Ireland. He said he will send me a proper DSSD and I can keep the watch I have - if I give him 5 stars. I told him I’ve been bought off for much less and I accept his offer. We spit in our palms and shook on it. Like real heterosexual men do.

The funny thing is that I actually recently ordered a Seadweller from a TD so now I will have two, eventually! Two’s always better than one I say, especially when talking about Thai ‘companions of the evening’. I miss Thailand. I’ve never seen so many German men before in my life as I did in Thailand.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ ALL OF THAT PERTINENT INFORMATION ABOVE

Then just know this is a cheap Rolex SD from DHGate. Set your expectations accordingly. Or at the door. Both would be best. Muchas arigato bella.

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART I

UNPACKING THE WATCH

I wasn’t expecting much in the way of packaging, kind of like how women in France don’t package themselves up very well when they go to the beaches. But I was pleasantly surprised as this had a bit more cushion for the pushin’ securing the watch for the voyage across the great seas of planet Earth.

Is anyone genuinely excited by the sticker saying AAA? I mean, even though this was sent by mistake… Fuqn AAA!

WATCH ORDERED

WATCH RECEIVED A.K.A. SO THIS IS WHAT A CHEAP ASSED ROLEX SD LOOKS LIKE

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART II

REMOVING THE BRACELET / STAMPED SERIAL? / CALLING ROLEX FOR HELP

I was as curious as a Japanese up-skirt pervert to see if there was anything between the lugs. Removing the bracelet was necessary. Engraving looks good.

BETWEEN THE LUGS

CALLING ROLEX

I called Rolex long distance and explained I wanted to make sure my watch was registered to me since the paperwork wasn’t included with my order - I was told I need to talk to a Rolex representative in order to have this information verified.

I told them “No problem, there is a guy on the replica watch forum I frequent that regularly deals with R-Factory requests and I’m sure he can help me”. I asked if they have a preferred sock for this - and they said they didn’t understand the question. No worries I said, I can handle this on my own. A #1 always, always handles problems on his own. Or delegates. So I hung up the phone before they could say goodbye. Cuz that’s what rich important American people do - “Is there anything else I can help you with sir?” Click.

THE BRACELET

RESIZING THE BRACELET FOR MY WRIST

7.25” is a perfect size (That’s what she said) I’ve been told. I agree, even though it means I still need to remove 3 links from my bracelets. I have piles of ‘3 links’ everywhere these days.

I prefer a slightly loose fit (That’s what she said) for my watches. There was a topic here recently about ‘wrist shape’ and what makes a watch fit better. For anyone interested, I have flat wrists. 

I would say actually, a cross-section of my wrist would show a shape more like a Rolex cyclops. Flat on top and bottom, rounded on the sides (I hate when online dates show up looking like that). To me that’s ideal wrist structure - having a flat platform for your watch to rest on. 

Plus having flat wrists bodes well for loose fitting watches. It can slide up and down your arm, but not over the sides. Totally round wrists - loose watches will just slide and roll around face going downward by gravity in action.

My unscientific reason for me having flat wrists is that due to my body fat, which is always around 7%, there is just skin and bones on my wrist. No padding to round it out. Again, unscientific. But probably totally true. Solved.

WHY DOES THE BRACELET SIZE KEEP CHANGING ON ME?

Being unfamiliar with Rolex and their clasps on their bracelets I came across the curious issue (for me). Every day, the bracelet would be looser on my wrist. Soon, it was really just hanging there and I could get some fingers between my wrist and the bracelet. This sort of thing is always fun. I start thinking maybe the metal is expanding, or there are some other world type physics going on. Maybe I’m shrinking at an incredible rate.

Turns out it’s just the Rolex bracelet ability to resize in small increments without removing pins. This was new to me. Once I figured this out,  I did enjoy being able to make changes to get it ‘just’ right…

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART III

HOW MUCH DOES IT WEIGH

People say “Something is working best when you don’t know it’s there”. It’s usually people who have small cocks - men and women both - and that’s all shit. At least with me, my watches and my porn - I love feeling a heavy watch on my wrist. Please find my jack-winding review for more information. So, I love feeling a watch on me. But not eyes watching me constantly. I know the intricacy is there in a watch, ticking away. I love it.

172 grams. Nice weight for me. It’s there, but not dragging.

DOES IT KEEP TIME?

Having purchased many Quartz watches lately, I was as happy as a dog getting a peanut butter treat, even if it is spread on some pervert’s crotch, to be able to time… graph.. timeograph… timographize… whatever you call it. See how close to real time this baby runs. And by ‘real time’ I mean my ‘Master Clock’:

Come on baby! Give daddy some good results!

I’m happy. Maybe I’ll be 2 or 3 seconds early for my next meeting. Or late. Or whatever.

 

INTERMISSION

**WARNING** NOT SUITABLE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE EASILY FRIGHTENED**

I need to tell you all a little story about something that happened to me 5 years ago. If you scare easily, then please skip over it. I don’t want to be responsible for you having nightmares, or worse… I do encourage you to read this late at night though with all the lights out. 

And while it might seem this has nothing to do with this watch review… It just might… If you pay attention…

APRIL 21, 2013

The night started out unlike most. Rarely do we have thunderstorms and lightning where I live, but this night the sky was opening up with thunderous blasts, and what seemed like an ocean was falling to the ground outside. Living on the top story of the building, the sound of the rain is always audible as it slams into the building after its long fall. However tonight it was much louder, the loud pinging of every drop of rain hitting the roof and metal pipes across the top of the building. Sleep would not come easy, if at all.

My daughter had just turned 8 this day. She had enjoyed the day, however she had been having a hard time sleeping as of late. She would never tell me why, and she would never call to me even as the hours passed until finally, she would drift off late into the night. Knowing something was keeping her up, kept me up. She’s always opened up to me before, but never about this. Her mother left us when she was 2, and it’s always been us. A team of two. 

I was trying to concentrate on a Stephen King novel when I heard a shattering of glass followed by my daughter yelling out for me “Daddy!”. A quick glance at the clock showed me it was 1:13am. I jumped out of bed, rushing to her room as I heard some thumping sounds from behind her door. I flicked the hallway light on which threw light all around me, and lit her door up as if it were day. I opened the door slowly, light spreading in an arc across her room as I opened it. At the back of the room I saw her sitting up in bed as the light crept over her from left to right. Her knees were up and her arms were folded around her legs. I remember thinking “She looks so frightened” just as a lightening flash lit up the room allowing me to see everything a clear as daylight for but a second.

As I crossed her room towards her I noticed her mirror, always standing against the wall was shattered. Pieces of glass lay jagged all over her floor, light twinkling off the edges. I crossed the room and knelt on the floor at the side of her bed. My shadow fell over her, blocking the light from the hall and turning her face dark. I reached out to touch her shoulder but she drew back, away from my touch. She was shaking. I asked her what’s wrong? Her lips were trembling and quietly she looked down while putting out her arm and pointing down to the edge of the bed - indicating ‘under the bed’. I jumped as thunder blasted in the sky, and my daughter quickly withdrew her arm and hugged her legs even tighter. I tried to put on a brave face, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. The electricity from the night sky seemed to have invaded my daughters room. I pushed myself back from the edge of the bed, and started to lean down to look underneath. The light from the hallway, still pouring into the room poured over top of me trying to block my view. As I lowered my head, I started to see something there. Her bed was always clean underneath, there should never be anything there. I saw dark shapes, curves until finally I was looking fully under the bed.

It was my daughter. She had tears running down her cheeks and in a hushed, but frightened voice she said “Daddy… There’s a monster in my room…. I think it’s on the bed…”. Frozen, I slowly turned my eyes upwards towards the top of the bed again as I started to hear a hissing sound coming slowly towards me…

The next thing I remember is waking up the next morning in my bed with a brutal headache. My daughter never mentioned it. I’ve asked her about it, and she always pauses, like she is remembering something distant, like remembering a good memory, but says she doesn’t remember. She has never had a problem falling asleep ever since…

**END OF SCARY STORYTIME**

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART IV

THE CASE AND CROWN AND BEZEL

I’m sorry - some of the photos might have some clear plastic on the watch - I thought I removed it all… But my eyes suck worse than a Vancouver hooker on Davie street.

I know Rolex watches as well as I know who a homosexual transgender lesbian would want to date - meaning I just really don’t know much here.  So, let’s just see some photos. These might interest you though if you like details…

THE DATE AND CYCLOPS

THE DIAL AND MARKERS

THE REHAUT AND HANDS

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART IV.V

THE HELIUM ESCAPE VALVE

Ok. A helium escape valve. Are you freakin’ kidding me?! How am I going to test this. I don’t even know if it’s real. But on a cheap watch like this, what are the odds. R-Factory, sure then I might believe it. But this…

I have an idea on how to test this at sea level… Maybe for another review

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART V

LUME REVIEW

If I could tattoo myself with whatever chemicals they use to lume watch hands I would.

But - as I recently scientifically proved in another review - no lumed watch will ever match that of a watch using tritium tubes. So, as hard as it is (That’s what she said) to admit it, I still love regular watches and their lume shots but they just don’t get me off like like those videos of Belgian ladies spanking each other anymore. Yes, gone are the good ole days. Desensitized.

BLACKLIGHT INSPECTION

I’ve had good luck with my watches I’ve ordered from China. I’ve never found dirt, pubes, or cream-of-sum-yung-guy in my watches.  That doesn’t mean you don’t check though. Taking the black light and putting it in there (That’s what she said) real close like - it’s all looks clean and tidy.

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART VI

THE CASE BACK

BTW - that right there - is the best tool I have ever, ever owned for watches. Still ticking.

OPENING HER UP

Much like when you meet a new woman, especially an asian Russian, you want to know what she’s like on the inside. You always hope she’s been lubed properly before you get in there. The watch, pervert. But women too.

Again, as someone who doesn’t know replica watches very well I guess this is fine. As long as the circle thing spins I think it’s good enough for me.

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART VII

HOW SHE LOOKS ON A STUNNINGLY HANDSOME GENT

Ugh. So hot out. Can’t be arsed to put on nice clothes!

 

ROLEX SD REVIEW PART VIII

SHOULD YOU BUY THIS WATCH?

Sure? I don’t know. Is this a good replica? Maybe. I paid $75 for the DSSD and was sent this instead. So I don’t know where you can buy this from. So don’t ask. But in the end I’m getting two watches from the price of one so I guess it’s not as bad as having to sleep in the wet spot. It’s always cold. And wet. And there’s even ass sweat soaked into the sheet! So gross. I need to move over. But then I can’t lay on my back. Tabernac!

 

THE TWIST IS REVEALED : ROLEX DS REVIEW PART IX

Did you catch it? Were you fooled? Know your Rolex replica watches?

This entire review is about the -  VRF FACTORY BASEL 2017 ROLEX REF.126600 SEA DWELLER 43MM  At the beginning of the review somewhere I did mention I’ve ordered a SD from a TD

So did you spot that? Looking at all the photos could you tell this was a $350 watch, instead of a $75 watch?

I guess the moral of the story/review is - People from the other side of the mirror can swap places with your family members at any time - just like an expensive watch can swap places with a cheap watch - all that matters is… if you really know it…

VRF Factory Basel 2017 Rolex Ref.126600 Sea Dweller 43mm

MOVEMENT: Gold Asia 2836-2 Automatic Movement, 25J, 28800bph
CASE DIAMETER: 43mm
THICKNESS: 15mm 
DIAL COLOR: Black Dial with Round markers and "Single Red" Graphic on Dial
(With Swiss Grade Blue Superlume Applied)
CASE MATERIAL: Solid Stainless Steel 316F (With Correct Color Tone for the "HE Valve")
BRACELET: Solid Stainless Steel 316F with Flip Lock Deployant Buckle
FRONT GLASS: Sapphire Crystal (Same thickness as Genuine) - Etched crown at 6:00 position
CASE BACK: Solid case back with detailed engraving
BEZEL: Uni-directional High Grade Ceramic Diver Bezel, Anti-Clockwise (With Superlume on Bezel Dot)
HACK MOVEMENT: Yes
CLASP TYPE: Deployant Buckle
DATE INDICATOR: At 3:00 position (Adjusted via the crown)

 

[semperfi55 4,707]

Great photos and entertaining read. Goes to show I know fuck-all about Rolexs. Really want a Sea-Dweller now!

 

 

 

Downside: I don't know what to believe anymore. For all I know 10 replies later you're gonna go plot twist: this is a DHGate cheapie after all lolololololol

Wait actually, I kinda cottoned on when your machine read 28800bph. Thought it was weird for a cheapie to have a high beat movement. Maybe I did learn something on RWG after all

 

[NCRich 13,764]

Very cool review.

[Glaude 1,615]

Haha even if you spoiled me in PM with the content, I was still confused by the movement pic and was ready to ask for the DHGate link for this one at this price, silly me 

Excellent review as usual, but you get a minus point for the French women reference !

[FunnyStarSystem 7,538]

I want to hear more about the raccoon!

[RepGuy 108]

R-Factory called me crying. They said an "important sounding American" named McGilli called, but hung up before they could forward you their email to send the sock picture to.

Now that they are upset, I've consulted with Mr. Rolex himself to smooth things over, but they are now requiring two sock pictures to make up for this transgression. 

I won't cover your ass a second time.

[Luxuracer 14]

You glorious fucker .... I can't wait until I have time to sit down and do a 'real' reply to your review!

[GingerApple 7,302]

Wow. Where does one begin with that? With you!!?! Your psychiatrist really earns his money, you mad, scary fucker. I always feel like I'm getting a glimpse into your brain, your real, inner psyche when I read your reviews. And it terrifies me.

Lovely review.

Whilst I certainly can't say that I thought it was an TD watch, I was certainly thinking to myself, "Fuck, that's a cracker! The rehault alignment's better than many TD watches!" Then, "Shit, that date wheel alignment and Cyclops looks better than a lot of Factory watches!" Followed by, "The dial printing and hands look a LOT better than the shit I've had if the gate before" etc, etc, etc....

So whilst I didn't know, I knew.

Fucker.

[Junior88 388]

19 minutes ago, RepGuy said:

R-Factory called me crying. They said an "important sounding American" named McGilli called, but hung up before they could forward you their email to send the sock picture to.

Now that they are upset, I've consulted with Mr. Rolex himself to smooth things over, but they are now requiring two sick pictures to make up for this transgression. 

I won't cover your ass a second time.

Jokes on you, RepGuy. 

 

McGilli is Canadian.

[Junior88 388]

I knew when I saw another review from you, McGilli, it would at the very least be an entertaining read. You did not disappoint. 

 

You most certainly live up to the adage, " If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit." Except, your reviews have an abundance of both. 

Whatever you do, don't stop doing watch reviews.  No matter what, they're always a blast. 

Liked your scary story too. But, stop showing the world what us Canucks are REALLY like

 

[Left Coast Guy 24]

I don't know what I just read, or more accurately what has just happened to me.....but I will say, the whole time, I was thinking "wow, you got a really good watch from dhgate"! I was like, this has to be an ARF SD43!

[Thommo82 1,397]

You are a dead set goose

NEVER CHANGE

If you had the time, you should have bottled that Australian smelling sweat and drank it. It’s like angels pissing on your tonsils 

[Urminme 5]

Well I gotta say you just made DHgate a fuck ton of money because every noob on here for sure didnt read till the end lol I cant wait to see how many people say wait why does mine look shitty and yours is awesome 

[McGilli 1]

6 hours ago, semperfi55 said:

Downside: I don't know what to believe anymore. For all I know 10 replies later you're gonna go plot twist: this is a DHGate cheapie after all lolololololol

Just have to jot this down in my notepad.... "Ideas for future reviews...."  

6 hours ago, NCRich said:

Very cool review.

Thank you. Just for when something a little more engaging (barely, maybe) than the ShoutyBox is wanted 

6 hours ago, Glaude said:

Excellent review as usual, but you get a minus point for the French women reference !

Funny thing. That's the only 'insult' that actually makes me want to visit that country! It's a backhanded compliment really  Oh, I do apologize for the PM. Crazy hectic today, and it should have been after the review went live for a few hours!

5 hours ago, funnystarsystem said:

I want to hear more about the raccoon!

The 1 thing, more confusing than my review!

5 hours ago, RepGuy said:

They said an "important sounding American" named McGilli called

Ooops sorry. A Canadian would never feel important like that so just that once I needed to 'massage the facts'. 

 

5 hours ago, Luxuracer said:

I can't wait until I have time to sit down and do a 'real' reply to your review

And then i might just have to write a review about your reply... Dun dun dun!

5 hours ago, Gingerbubba said:

I always feel like I'm getting a glimpse into your brain, your real, inner psyche when I read your reviews. And it terrifies me.

I know this it totally a family friendly and oriented safe place, which is why I water my reviews down to PG ratings Happy to hear the review strung you along just enough... All it was intended to do!

5 hours ago, 88juniorfan said:

" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."

Yes, thank  you. That's all it is I've said it before, and have no shame admitting it I really know nothing about writing. But - I can usually make anything I don't know anything about sound at least somewhat interesting. And. It makes me laugh when Im doing it so gotta please me, cuz i'm my biggest fan!

4 hours ago, Left Coast Guy said:

I was thinking "wow, you got a really good watch from dhgate"

Yes! Rare I want to be in other people's minds - but I would have loved it for people reading this review!!!

4 hours ago, Thommo82 said:

It’s like angels pissing on your tonsils 

I mean... I'm creative. I know I am. But you... I'm telling you. If I ever need something... just that little bit extra of... vulgarity... You are my go to guy!

3 hours ago, Urminme said:

because every noob on here for sure didnt read till the end lol I cant wait to see how many people say wait why does mine look shitty and yours is awesome 

Well - of course then I just refer them to @RepGuy and say it was actually his contact etc etc... U know... There's a sucker born....

[CollieWobbles 236]

Another great post McGilli, just as well I read it all the way to the end although I did think it unusual to get a high beat watch on the gate!

[paccbet 7,176]

5 stars from me

[EBB 25]

nice review. 

[Urminme 5]

8 hours ago, McGilli said:

Just have to jot this down in my notepad.... "Ideas for future reviews...."  

Thank you. Just for when something a little more engaging (barely, maybe) than the ShoutyBox is wanted 

Funny thing. That's the only 'insult' that actually makes me want to visit that country! It's a backhanded compliment really  Oh, I do apologize for the PM. Crazy hectic today, and it should have been after the review went live for a few hours!

The 1 thing, more confusing than my review!

Ooops sorry. A Canadian would never feel important like that so just that once I needed to 'massage the facts'. 

 

And then i might just have to write a review about your reply... Dun dun dun!

I know this it totally a family friendly and oriented safe place, which is why I water my reviews down to PG ratings Happy to hear the review strung you along just enough... All it was intended to do!

Yes, thank  you. That's all it is I've said it before, and have no shame admitting it I really know nothing about writing. But - I can usually make anything I don't know anything about sound at least somewhat interesting. And. It makes me laugh when Im doing it so gotta please me, cuz i'm my biggest fan!

Yes! Rare I want to be in other people's minds - but I would have loved it for people reading this review!!!

I mean... I'm creative. I know I am. But you... I'm telling you. If I ever need something... just that little bit extra of... vulgarity... You are my go to guy!

Well - of course then I just refer them to @RepGuy and say it was actually his contact etc etc... U know... There's a sucker born....

Hahaha

[McGilli 1]

1 hour ago, odoherc said:

I did think it unusual to get a high beat watch on the gate!

I knew it would be tough to pull this off - with so many detailed photos but if a guy at 'the factory' makes a mistake and sends a wrong watch who knows?!

1 hour ago, paccbet said:

5 stars from me

Thats all I need to get my morning started!

 

52 minutes ago, EBB said:

nice review. 

Well thank you. I have to agree with you

[greengoat 0]

On 26/04/2018 at 15:31, McGilli said:

I have to agree with you

I agree too. Great read. 

[deju 1,884]

Brilliant read as always! Great start to the weekend  

[GenTLe 1,509]

Haha even if you spoiled me in PM with the content, I was still confused by the movement pic and was ready to ask for the DHGate link for this one at this price, silly me 
Excellent review as usual, but you get a minus point for the French women reference !

+1
It seemed too good to be true...

[ElvisFreak 73]

hhhmmm...

Frenchman here is confused....

will read again.

[SheikhRashid 0]

Thoroughly  entertaining review!