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HoboJoe

'Guess' he's dead so it's mine now

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HoboJoe

That stupid asshole is dead. I’m dead sober. Dead tired. And I feel like I’m going to hell.

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Sober’a week now. I can see better, think clearly, and I feel I’m going in the right direction. Even after killing. Let me tell you, I was screamin’side my head when it happened, and seeing that mess’s what cleaned me up, but at the time I was outta my head. And it all happened cuz of my watch.

But how did I even get there, and why’d it happen?

I remember leaving the library a week ago. and I was so wasted. The sun was blinding me and ‘fore I knew it I was down by the water. And some jackass was yelling something like “C’mon mate! We’re feeding the crotch mate! you like crotch don’t ya mate?! Big crotch in yer face, biggest crotch you ever seen mate!?!”

All I heard was crotch, and I needed to piss so bad. So he pushes me onto this water taxi mobile and there are all these people on there with cameras. I sit on the boat, and by this time’ve already pissed in my pants so I didn’t even want to be there any more. I saw it pooling around my shoes and the people beside me. People were moving away, pinching’ their noses. Turning their noses up at me. Bastards. That wet stain on my pants, I couldn’t even feel it I was so numb. But ‘fore I know it, people are screaming and freaking out and I’m like “It’s just piss, settle down Jeez and Lo!” but then I turn around and it’s the biggest fucking crotch I’ve ever seen in my life just a few feet away from me. And when I say crotch, now that I’m sober I mean it was a goddamned crocodile standing on it’s rear legs right beside me. I must have smelled the fear in my piss and it was coming f’me.

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Crazy thing. I was so scared - I stopped shaking and actually got a good photo.

So I was like fuck this, I’m outta here and I jumped off the boat cuz I didn’t want to get attacked like all those people surely would be. Did that on the Jaws ride in Universal Studios way back too, saved me then. Christo where was I in my story? Hang on, being sober I still get mixed up. Ok, so yeahs’r I’m walking down this neighbourhood and this bloke sees me, and he sees my Bulgari watch. You remember that watch right from my last post? I’m minding my own bisnes. Well he calls out to me that I must have stolen it. He comes walking out of his garage from his house all tough like. This guy had neatly groomed moustache, and smelled actually very, very pretty. For a man. Little grey hairs in that ‘stache.

I don’t really want to relive what happened. The reason is: I like it. It feels wrong to enjoy thinking about it. Afterwards, as drunk and scared as I was, I was excited too. I felt anew. I felt like I’d found out what I was supposed to next, even though that makes no sense. The short’n straight is that as he came toward me I told him to piss off. I remember his daughter was also in the garage, and he turned around and told her to go inside and close the garage door. “Emma, get back in to’re mum!” he said. That, I remember clearly. She must have been late teens or early 20’s though. With my eye can’t be sure. Probably got a good look’t me though I bet. That girl looked so scared, no doubt in part to me looking like the leper from Stephen King’s It. In slow motion, I see that garage door sliding down cuz she had hit the button from the inside to close it, and I swung wildly at this man as he got within spitting’ distance, and I forgot I’d had a lid from a tin can in my hand. I’d been using it to cut my hair as I’d been walkin’ the streets. Minding m’business. Just mine.

‘Fore I new it, blood sprayed out everywhere from his throat. And it wasn’t exactly like in the movies, because I could see, and I could hear the air escaping through the slice in his neck. Bubbles. Air bubbles. All the while, the garage door is halfway down now, and the guy puts his hands to his throat, completely forgettin’bout me. I see his hands are soaked in blood as he turns and stumbles back towards the garage. Judging by his ring he was married too. Good mate. I stood there. I stood there and I knew then what I needed to do. I saw a flash of a watch on him. I was meant to get that watch.

It was mine, and if it meant this man needed to die then so be it. I started after him and as the garage door neared the bottom I grabbed it off his wrist and kicked him from behind. He flew forward, landing in the ground with his neck right under the garage door as it clamped down on him. I saw his hands try to push at the door to get it off of him, I saw blood squirt out both side of his neck up onto the door, then a soft, crunching sound as the door hit the ground. Head be gone.

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Again, adrenaline running, and a good photo.

Now I was scared, confused, and I knew my time in the Queens Land was done. I took that photo first though. Souvenir. And an inside voice told me to take that souvenir. Save it for later that voice said, not sure what that means, but I did it.

That was then, and now I’m back at the library I cleaned up the watch for you, and it’s a keeper, fo’sure. It’s a Guess watch - ha! I can read now m’eyes ain’t blinded! And now that I’m sober, my photos ain’t as shit as they was b’fore.

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Tells the time, the day of the week, of the month and whether it’s day or night time.

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t’s really nice. Good weight, very slim for what it is. Shiny too.

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Weird thing though is that - it looks like it stopped telling time as soon as I took it off his wrist. Odd but not really since time feels like it stopped for me once I heard that crunch of that guys neck.

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So while it’s not working anymore, it’s coming with me. My collection is up to 3 watches now, and I need to get the hell out of Australia. I laid low for a bit, sober’d up like I said, but: I think someone’s watching me.

I can feel it.

Edited by HoboJoe

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fatarms

Congrats on the pickup!

That son of a bitch had it coming...

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Tits McGee

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GingerBlubba

Is this a McGilli competition?

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jibuti

if heez not be banned soon will fit here at RWG ferpectly, me think.....

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BADAPPLE

He needs better watches...... a Lorus for example.

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RussP
43 minutes ago, BADAPPLE said:

He needs better watches...... a Lorus for example.

Timex as well ?

Sad thing is he's a resident of the same state as me.

And Thommo, Cubic Hare, ShoveInTC et al.

I smell a sock though.........................

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Thommo82

I know that Croc. That’s Stumpy. He’s only got three legs, had one bitten off when he fought Brutus and killed him for his Territory 

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